So glad you made it.

adventure beach boat coast
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’m glad I made it, too. So far, anyway. I mean, I’m alive, so that’s a good thing. I wouldn’t say that I have necessarily joined the land of the living yet, though. And that’s why I’m here. I know I have a lot of healing to do, and a lot more living to do, and a few people who want to see me live, and so I need a place to tell my story. Yes, this is going to be one of those blogs. But every story is unique, and I think mine might be downright unusual. I hope it is, because I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I need to tell you the truth. Not “my truth” like so many people would prefer I label it, allowing them to choose their own sanitized, convenient versions of my life story. I don’t blame them. I hid the truth for so long and tried to turn my fantasies into memories. This is what happened. It’s not up for debate. I will change the names, and I will change some of the more definitive details, but I will not change my mind. I hope you stick around, because this is a real hero’s journey – a little tragic and a whole lot triumphant, peppered with dark humor and insights that have come perhaps a bit later than I would have liked. It’s all right, though, because my story is far from over. Now that you’re here, I don’t have to go it alone anymore. Maybe you can be on the lookout for the gaslight specials since I don’t always spot them till I have been heavily discounted and my worth slashed to pieces. That’s how the deal works. My next post is just round the corner, hope you can make it!

Author’s note: Sometimes corners are a lot more complicated to navigate than we anticipate. Normally I’m a prolific writer. Writing about this, though, was triggering symptoms of CPTSD so debilitating that I’d stare at the blinking cursor on the screen for what seemed like a couple of minutes, feeling shaky and sick to my stomach, only to “wake up” and find that a couple of hours had disappeared. A year and a half and a lot of intensive therapy later, I’ve turned that corner. A lot of things have changed, but my mind isn’t one of them.

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I am currently living a life no one plans on... and certainly not one of my conscious choosing. In 2016 I left my husband after 20 years and four children together because I could no longer live with the extreme emotional abuse that was slowly killing me. I was not prepared for what would follow. Gaslight Special provides me with the opportunity I desperately need to tell my story as empath, victim, survivor, and passionate advocate of those whose lives have been forever changed by a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath. I write in the hopes that together we can find strength, recovery and the triumphant lives we are meant to lead, free of abuse whether emotional/psychological, physical, sexual, verbal or financial. We are worth so much more.

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